i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize