Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
