I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
