Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
