someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize