the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
