Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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