Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
