I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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