My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk