I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I lost the right to judge tonight
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.