Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
