I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...