i may or may not be watching the land before time
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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