i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
