I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
