chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
