i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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