Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
