I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
this will be a night to untag.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
