I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
