So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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