I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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