I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
