i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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