overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
