i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
