Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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