I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
