shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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