dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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