she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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