does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
