Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
