You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
