you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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