She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
