We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
