he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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