he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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