hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
