Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
two words...techno handjob
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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