Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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