I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
