she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
