my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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