I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
