Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
