And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
