it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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