Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
