i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
