Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Houston, we have a squirter
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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