she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
