3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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