we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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