My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
