dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
