My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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