his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
