my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
