Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
