Bisexual people are plain selfish.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
