Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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