He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
