I just saw a hot homeless man
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
