Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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