So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
