Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
