so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
