She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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