Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
