i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
