he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
