The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
