The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
