12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
