this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
