in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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