I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
