Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
