i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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